Cardboard Khamenei

Iran’s supreme leaders used to be made of stronger stuff.

With so much AI material circulating nowadays, it was easy to assume that the photos were fake, but they apparently were real. Only Mojtaba Khamenei, the new head of Iran’s Islamic regime, was slightly less than real. Photos began circulating Tuesday of Iranians straight-facedly presenting a large cardboard cutout of Mojtaba at a ceremony celebrating his appointed as the country’s supreme leader.

Al-Bawaba reported Wednesday that Mojtaba Khamenei was “injured during the same strike that killed his father, and that’s why he hasn’t made any public appearance since his appointment on Sunday.”

However, another Islamic regime nepo baby, Yousef Pezeshkian, the son of Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian, hastened to assure the world that Mojtaba was all right: “I heard news that Mr Mojtaba Khamenei had been injured. I have asked some friends who had connections. They told me that, thank God, he is safe and sound.”

The affairs of state must go on, however, and so the regime top dogs were facing a difficult problem: how could they have a ceremony to celebrate Mojtaba Khamenei becoming the new supreme leader if Mojtaba himself, despite being “safe and sound,” had been injured so severely that he was unable to attend?

The solution to this problem that the Islamic Republic’s best minds hit upon owed more to Monty Python than to the subtle principles of high-level statecraft. The ceremony went on as planned, but Mojtaba Khamenei wasn’t there; in his stead, Iranians displayed a large cardboard cutout of a man, with a photo of a glum-looking Mojtaba’s face at the top.

The world, so accustomed to threats and murder from the Islamic Republic, was grateful for the comic relief. “After the video went viral from the ceremony,” al-Bawaba reports,“Mojtaba Khamenei was nicknamed the ‘cardboard leader’ by the official page of the Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Persian. Israel Persian wrote, ‘Cardboard Leader, the Big-Mouth of the Region.’”

The X satirist Associated Fress posted a photo of a pallet of cardboard flats with the caption: “Reports Claim Iran Has Stockpiled Enough Flat-Pack Ayatollahs to Last For Decades.”Another wit posted a photo of a smirking Tucker Carlson sitting at a table with cardboard Mojtaba: “Tucker Carlson’s next guest.” Bringing it all back home, another X user substituted Old Joe Biden’s head for Mojtaba Khamenei’s on the cardboard cutout: “democrats bringing out Biden for another speech.”

Amid all the hilarity, a commenter asked the salient question:“The new Supreme Leader of the Islamic Regime, MojatbaKhamenei, failed to attend his own ‘allegiance ceremony’ and sent a cardboard cutout instead. Is Mojtaba even alive?”

He may be, albeit seriously injured. He may be dead. The Iranians will not, of course, be able to display a cardboard cutout as their supreme leader forever. And as long as they do, cardboard Mojtaba epitomizes the situation of the regime itself: the Iranian people hate it, and it is virtually friendless internationally as U.S. and Israeli strikes continue. It is, in a real sense, a cardboard regime.

That doesn’t mean, however, that it is a nonexistent regime, or that it cannot survive through this period of crisis. American actions always take place within the election cycle, and that cycle wields immense influence over them. Adding to the unpredictability of all that is Trump’s mercurial nature. Right now he is committed to striking Iran, but that’s no guarantee that he will continue to do so until the regime is no more. The Israelis, meanwhile, are more likely than ever to act without American approval, but still reluctant to antagonize their foremost friend in this world.

Thus Cardboard Khamenei and his regime have a chance to remain in power for decades to come. All the need to do is survive the present crisis. They may not face a similar challenge, and the Iranian people may not have an opportunity to rid themselves of the regime that is as good as the one they have now, for many, many years.

Mojtaba Khamenei is clearly seriously injured, if not dead, but there are plenty of ayatollahs in Iran who would be happy for the opportunity to become supreme leader. And there is no shortage of cardboard.